So today has been a whole ball of frustrations. My day starts with phone calls to Doctors, Pharmacy, and Visiting Nurse. As I am on the phone getting more and more frustrated because I am being told that I don't have any more approved visits from my insurance for the Home Nurse. What???? I am mid stream here and this Wound VAC (my electronic leech) MUST be changed every 3 days and ummmm they were here Friday so today is day 3 and no one is coming and I just find this out NOW???? My insurance only approved 3 times a week for 2 weeks. Did they REALLLY think that HUGE gaping hole was gonna be healed in 2 weeks? Come on now.....So now I have to sit here wondering what is going on with my ankle and if we are going to be heading backwards with my recovery cause some sorry sap cant do their job and be sure everything is in order so that i get the care I need, WHEN I NEED IT!!
So, as I am making myself lunch today and being frustrated at being stuck in the wheelchair and it takes twice as long to do anything. Then the frustrations of dealing with my insurance company who faithfully withdrawls their hefty sum of money from my checking account each month without fail who now is creating issues with me getting my medical care when needed. Thru my frustration though I had a HUGE epiphiny that OMG THIS is what those with life long disabilities go thru EVERYDAY for the REST of their lives. They live with the constant battle of how is this medical bill going to be paid, will my insurance approve this procedure, will I be able to get the care needed when I need it? Wait and wait and wait for people to return your phone calls and they NEVER do.... So is this a lesson in helping me to understand what these people go thru? Is this my lesson to walk in THEIR shoes for a few months and to understand the issues and problems of being disabled? I don't know but it sure did hit me hard while sitting there being frustrated!!! I felt this is part of the life lesson in proceeding forward with the BIGGER plan of Therapeutic Riding and funny part is in the end I sure could use it myself. I am here thinking what I would do to be able to go out and ride a horse right now. That sure would do my state of mind a whole lotta good right now! I imagine being one of my therapy students sitting at home waiting for the day of the week that I got to go and ride a horse. Wooow, what a highlight that would be to get out of the house and go do something of that magnitude. I sit here in their shoes thinking what joy and excitement of looking forward to riding horse must do for their whole inside. I own horses but even now if someone said next week you will be able to ride a horse, I would be counting the days, hours, minutes, and seconds until that time. I get it now, the freedom of being out of the wheelchair, the freedom of moving without crutches, and joy of movement without the use of a walker... ahhhhhhh the wind in my hair, the movement of the horse under me.....the fresh air, the sweet smell of horses, the feeling of gliding along the arena rail without a care in the world... I feel like I am on top of the world...ahhhhhhhh my heart sings and brings a smile to my face.....
Can you see it?? Do you picture it??? Can you feel it?? Ohhhhhhh I always have but NEVER had I been able to see it from THEIR prospective and THEIR point of view until now. Me having to completely rely on a wheelchair to get me from place to place has allowed me to have this perspective.... and there IS a purpose in that!!!
Thank you Lord for this humbling experience to allow me to see and feel what my students see and feel.
I TRULY GET "IT" NOW!!! ITS GONNA BE AMAZING!!!!
The best part is over this last weekend at our Disney Day I met a really great contact who I feel is going to help fill our book with students who are in need of therapeutic riding! I see the dream coming true now...slowly but I see it WILL happen and it's going to be AMAZING!!!